Sari-Saring Ibong Kulasisi (All Kinds of Chicks…)

Translations: German / Spanish

Hear Direk Freddie Santos

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Who knows what got into Zeneida Amador’s head but she decided to form a film company zippingly called ZAP, for Zeneida Amador Productions. It came out with but one film naughtily entitled Sari-Saring Ibong Kulasisi (All Kinds of Chicks with Sex On Their Minds).

It was a trilogy, as was the trend in 1978, and it was all about sex, as is the trend always.

The 3rd story starred Amador herself paired with Sandy Garcia, a very popular TV Host whose fashion flamboyance was trademark. They played a lesbian-gay couple who…something. Gosh, that movie was forgettable. I played the priest who married them and I had one line.

But because Amador was the producer and Baby Barredo and I were Repertory stalwarts, in the opening credits, right after the title, our names already came out. Yet Barredo, First Lady of Philippine Musical Theater, had a ridiculous 3-minute scene while mine lasted for 3 seconds. Guess life was kinder to me than to Baby.

The one thing that does stand out in my memory about this movie though is just how much it affirmed my thinking that I really did not want to do movies. For that one line of mine, I waited more than 6 hours to shoot and all because of Vivian Velez.

VV, also short for vava-voom, was the hottest sex bomb at that time. She was part of the scene and ever-so-punctual me had to wait till she showed up before it could be shot. I came to the set pretty excited, mind you. It was my first film and I wasn’t adverse to having a career in the movies.

Thing is, I should have already guessed this wasn’t going to work out well. I mean, I went not even knowing who or what I was playing. Never got told the character, never was given a script, nada.
I came, I sat, I died.

Then after half of forever, VV turns up and man, does she turn up! I had never seen her up close and physical but my eyes didn’t know what curve or bump to land on.

Plastic surgery wasn’t a big thing back then, what you see is all you get…and this girl? She got! Not in extreme measurements but even better, in perfect, lengthy, drool-worthy proportion.

Those breasts, that butt, them legs…her car dusted in and milliseconds after she alit, she had been stripped to her olive-skinned glory in the minds of every man on that set. And woman.

“Are we ready to shoot? I have to leave but I’ll be back later.” And she left.

What the freak was that?!

Affirm, affirm, affirmed! I am SO not doing this again.

Time Her Duskiness came back, afternoon was night and my mood as dark. I did the scene in total acceptance of the fact that there would be no awards forthcoming. Not for me and, goodness knows, not for that movie.

I was forgetting the film even while watching it. I only remember tipsily waiting for the 3rd part of the trilogy where I was.

When that started, there was cheering in the preview audience because most of the people watching were from Repertory, cheering followed by a gasp. Amador’s opening scene showing her asleep on a bed was shot at such an angle that her left nipple came out in the lower right-hand corner of the screen…and she always had mighty nipples.

It was blurred at first but as focus and color started coming in, there it stood, the twin born first (no picture available).

Since I never saw it in a moviehouse, I have no idea if the scene was ever edited out.

The whole experience justified my sticking true to the live stage. That night justified inebriation. The movie just justifies senility.

Direksions:

1. Ask for a script. You can be working with the most brilliant people but unless you’re all looking at a written something, you end up with nothing.
2. Anticipate the possibilities. Especially if you’re entering new territory, never presume every surprise will be pleasant. Know what you can to the best that you can and because you can never know everything (you’re not God), you’ll still have surprises, anyway.
3. Cover your nipples (yes!).